By Innocent Chia
“Was anyone else molested at Sasse? I was and never told anyone and have since been living a life of much pain and torment. It started when I was 11 years old. Why would anyone do that to a child? I am sick of the lies. I have been sleeping with prostitutes - male and female and have caused my wife so much pain. No one understands why she has been so upset but I have put her through hell. You just don't know. I hate myself. I hate life. I blame everyone but, the truth is being molested changes your life and you turn into a monster. I have become a professional liar. If you know me, you know it's true. I am a thief, a liar and a cheat.”
These chilling words are by an ex-student of Sasse College in Buea, Cameroon. Long and difficult as the road has been for its author and everyone affected by it, the goal here is hardly to thump at the Catholic Church once again for the silent assassins of the innocence of the boy child. The goal is not to profit from the Church. It was clearly a student on student affair. In reading the rest of this letter, as well as a rejoinder from the wife of the author of the letter, our hope at The Chia Report is for our community to begin having these discussions in earnest.
The rest of Andy's Letter
“I have not had a job or anything of my own for years. I do illegal stuff for a living and have everyone thinking I am living a high life. My wife is clinically depressed and tried to commit suicide after finding the messages I sent to men on Craigslist. I am tired of living a lie. Please pray for me. God have mercy on my soul should I die tonight.
I have been caught. My wife found the messages I have been sending to men. I am gay. I have been hiding it for years.
I was molested when I was young in an all-boys catholic school - Sasse. What 11 year old boy deserves that? This man molested me every night for three years. Now may be you understand why relegion never meant much to me. I was an altar boy, why me? I tried to be normal… the truth is I am anything but. This has destroyed my life and I have destroyed many other lives. No one but God and my wife and my girlfriend know the real life I have been leading. I have tried to get past this pain and forget it - instead I have sunken into a life of alcoholism, stealing, lying and causing misery while pretending the problems are everyone else’s’ but my own.
The truth is I am garbage. I might as well be the first to tell it - because my wife has all of my emails and she will be posting it everywhere. I can't blame her. I have lied to her so much. She has tried but who can stay with a man that won't have sex with them but has sex with prostitutes…. that lies about money so I can give it to prostitutes? I have nothing but a broke down $400 van. I have nothing and most everyone thinks it's because I married a woman with kids. She has always made more money than I ever have. She has taken care of me and in return I repaid her with damaging her, hurting her, using her as my scapegoat.
I have not worked in years. I have been doing illegal cable while my wife has struggled to take care of our household. Even when I was a cab driver I never gave her money. The money went to prostitutes and strip clubs. I am disgusted by my actions. If you got this message, I am only sending it before my wife does. It is all true. Many won't believe me because I have made her out to be a crazy person. She is crazy but who could blame her. If only you knew the half of it! She is writing a book and the whole story will be revealed. Pray for me. I just want to die.
I found the attached pictures on her laptop so I am sure she is sending it to everyone, showing that the person on the ad is one of the prostitutes I have been sleeping with. I am not proud of it. But no one will understand what it is like to be me unless you have been through what I been through. I can't keep living a lie. I will get the help I need. This problem explains a lot. Everyone always wondered why I stand up for gay rights...I am one of them. Not by choice, this life was forced on me. The first sex I knew was from a grown man when I was a child.
I know no one believes any of this, I can’t believe it and I lived it. Maybe you don’t care – delete the message. But for those of you who do care….”
Rejoinder from the wife of the letter writer
"Just like Andy has made me believe in him even after everything he has done to me during our marriage – he has made everyone else believe in him too – He has become a master of deceit – I guess he had to after living through being molested for years. But Andy and God know the truth. I will not lie and say I don’t love Andy. I love him with everything in me, but I hate who he is and can’t wait for him to be a memory. Moreso, I hate the man who made him this way! He told me about the molestation after I left him in April this year (All these years I wondered why???? And for me, it made sense…this is why he was a liar, secretive and promiscuous, why he never had money… spending whatever little on prostitutes – I saw several emails, “are you going to pay for the room baby, they are about to put me out.”).
No person should ever have to go through what I have. Andy is jacked up from being molested in school – I know that is not a lie because there is no other explanation for a man that has a good wife to behave the way he does. I have acted in ways I never thought I could or would – because I truly believed in Andy. Even after he’d done horrific things, I still thought deep down, there was a good person. But the truth is he is damaged beyond anything I could ever help. I have contacted so many Pastors, so many counselors, other men who have been through this type of thing – trying to get help.
In return he put my life at risk – I found countless pictures in his phone of him having unprotected sex with at least 15 women and I saw several emails to different gay ads…making plans to meet men. He even called himself a cop and exchanged pictures of his penis with gay men. When I saw the emails to m4m Craigslist post I almost died; he has put my life at risk. You all can believe what you wish – but I swear on everything I love, everything I said is true. If I am lying God can strike me, my kids, my mother, sisters…anyone I love, dead right now. He also stole my son’s computer, PlayStation3 and all of our personal things over a lifetime. He took everything because I had his phone and he did not want the truth revealed. I have no choice but to do things this way. I am sick of him painting me out to be the one with the problem – the only problem I had/have was meeting him and falling in love with him and believing in him when he gave me no reason to.
I will be on Iylanla Vanzant Fix My Life – Oprah Winfrey Network in Jan 2013 and all that I say will be proved because I sent in his phone and the show sent it in to a phone forensics company that has retrieved all the deleted text, emails, etc. from the phone.
Most of his friends hate me for no reason and never even thought for a second what I was going through. Granted, I could have handled things differently. But unless you have walked in my shoes, you have no idea how hard you will fight for someone you love with your whole heart. I tried to leave and move on so many times but when he came back, I always accepted him back because I loved him. I NEVER DID ANDY WRONG – NEVER – I NEVER LIED TO HIM OR ABOUT HIM.
Whoever all of you on this email are…sorry if you had nothing to do with this. But now you know. You know someone who comes off as the nicest guy in the world – but is actually a monster. He has damaged me and my children. If you think about it, I know he has done things to most of you that made you think twice about who he really is. I have heard him in so many lies to people on the phone or in emails. Believe me, NOT ONE PERSON KNOWS ANDY LIKE I DO…NOT ONE, BESIDES GOD! AND GOD AS MY WITNESS I HAVE NEVER MET A MORE VILE PERSON IN MY LIFE.
WHEN HE TOLD ME HE WAS MOLESTED I WAS IN BED FOR THREE DAYS CRYING AND PRAYING THAT I WOULD HAVE THE STRENGTH TO HELP HIM. BUT YOU CAN’T HELP SOMEONE WHO IS IN DENIAL AND REFUSES TO FACE THE DEMONS AND GET HELP. INSTEAD HE CHOOSES TO LIVE A DOUBLE/TRIPLE LIFE AND LIE ABOUT EVRYTHING! WATCH FOR THE SHOW IN JANUARY – THEY HAVE EVERYTHING FROM HIS PHONE AND DESPITE WHAT ANDY SAYS – I CAN’T MAKE THAT UP. A CERTIFIED DETECTIVE RETRIEVED ALL THE MESSAGES HE DELETED."