Was anyone else sexually molested in Sasse?

By Innocent Chia
“Was anyone else molested at Sasse? I was and never told anyone and have since been living a life of much pain and torment. It started when I was 11 years old. Why would anyone do that to a child? I am sick of the lies. I have been sleeping with prostitutes - male and female and have caused my wife so much pain. No one understands why she has been so upset but I have put her through hell. You just don't know. I hate myself. I hate life. I blame everyone but, the truth is being molested changes your life and you turn into a monster. I have become a professional liar. If you know me, you know it's true. I am a thief, a liar and a cheat.”


These chilling words are by an ex-student of Sasse College in Buea, Cameroon. Long and difficult as the road has been for its author and everyone affected by it, the goal here is hardly to thump at the Catholic Church once again for the silent assassins of the innocence of the boy child. The goal is not to profit from the Church. It was clearly a student on student affair. In reading the rest of this letter, as well as a rejoinder from the wife of the author of the letter, our hope at The Chia Report is for our community to begin having these discussions in earnest.

I shared the story with a friend and she sobbed. Her younger brother attended Sasse in the mid-to-late 70s. While he was severely sick, and before he died, he confided the following to her: “Sister, I know what is killing me. It is banga. I started smoking banga (marijuana) in form one in Sasse. Sister, they forced us to smoke banga and do so many other things during “cutting tail.” It all made sense to the sister when I read out the first paragraph of this letter. The author of our letter and her brother were not in Sasse during the same time. In fact, by my calculation they were a good 15 years apart from. But the experiences are eerily similar. It has to be a tradition, I think. I also doubt that any boarding school, especially all boys or all girls, is spared. Where we go from here? How do we fix the system? Must this story go in vain or the writer's pain will become gain for generations to come?

The rest of Andy's Letter
“I have not had a job or anything of my own for years. I do illegal stuff for a living and have everyone thinking I am living a high life. My wife is clinically depressed and tried to commit suicide after finding the messages I sent to men on Craigslist. I am tired of living a lie. Please pray for me. God have mercy on my soul should I die tonight.

 I have been caught. My wife found the messages I have been sending to men. I am gay. I have been hiding it for years.

I was molested when I was young in an all-boys catholic school - Sasse. What 11 year old boy deserves that? This man molested me every night for three years. Now may be you understand why relegion never meant much to me. I was an altar boy, why me? I tried to be normal… the truth is I am anything but. This has destroyed my life and I have destroyed many other lives. No one but God and my wife and my girlfriend know the real life I have been leading. I have tried to get past this pain and forget it - instead I have sunken into a life of alcoholism, stealing, lying and causing misery while pretending the problems are everyone else’s’ but my own.

 The truth is I am garbage. I might as well be the first to tell it - because my wife has all of my emails and she will be posting it everywhere. I can't blame her. I have lied to her so much. She has tried but who can stay with a man that won't have sex with them but has sex with prostitutes…. that lies about money so I can give it to prostitutes? I have nothing but a broke down $400 van. I have nothing and most everyone thinks it's because I married a woman with kids. She has always made more money than I ever have. She has taken care of me and in return I repaid her with damaging her, hurting her, using her as my scapegoat.

 I have not worked in years. I have been doing illegal cable while my wife has struggled to take care of our household. Even when I was a cab driver I never gave her money. The money went to prostitutes and strip clubs. I am disgusted by my actions. If you got this message, I am only sending it before my wife does. It is all true. Many won't believe me because I have made her out to be a crazy person. She is crazy but who could blame her. If only you knew the half of it! She is writing a book and the whole story will be revealed. Pray for me. I just want to die.
 
I found the attached pictures on her laptop so I am sure she is sending it to everyone, showing that the person on the ad is one of the prostitutes I have been sleeping with. I am not proud of it. But no one will understand what it is like to be me unless you have been through what I been through. I can't keep living a lie. I will get the help I need. This problem explains a lot. Everyone always wondered why I stand up for gay rights...I am one of them. Not by choice, this life was forced on me. The first sex I knew was from a grown man when I was a child.

I know no one believes any of this, I can’t believe it and I lived it. Maybe you don’t care – delete the message. But for those of you who do care….”

Rejoinder from the wife of the letter writer

"Just like Andy has made me believe in him even after everything he has done to me during our marriage – he has made everyone else believe in him too – He has become a master of deceit – I guess he had to after living through being molested for years. But Andy and God know the truth. I will not lie and say I don’t love Andy. I love him with everything in me, but I hate who he is and can’t wait for him to be a memory. Moreso, I hate the man who made him this way! He told me about the molestation after I left him in April this year (All these years I wondered why????  And for me, it made sense…this is why he was a liar, secretive and promiscuous, why he never had money… spending whatever little on prostitutes – I saw several emails, “are you going to pay for the room baby, they are about to put me out.”).

No person should ever have to go through what I have. Andy is jacked up from being molested in school – I know that is not a lie because there is no other explanation for a man that has a good wife to behave the way he does. I have acted in ways I never thought I could or would – because I truly believed in Andy. Even after he’d done horrific things, I still thought deep down, there was a good person. But the truth is he is damaged beyond anything I could ever help. I have contacted so many Pastors, so many counselors, other men who have been through this type of thing – trying to get help.

In return he put my life at risk – I found countless pictures in his phone of him having unprotected sex with at least 15 women and I saw several emails to different gay ads…making plans to meet men. He even called himself a cop and exchanged pictures of his penis with gay men. When I saw the emails to m4m Craigslist post I almost died; he has put my life at risk. You all can believe what you wish – but I swear on everything I love, everything I said is true. If I am lying God can strike me, my kids, my mother, sisters…anyone I love, dead right now. He also stole my son’s computer, PlayStation3 and all of our personal things over a lifetime. He took everything because I had his phone and he did not want the truth revealed. I have no choice but to do things this way. I am sick of him painting me out to be the one with the problem – the only problem I had/have was meeting him and falling in love with him and believing in him when he gave me no reason to.
 
I will be on Iylanla Vanzant Fix My Life – Oprah Winfrey Network in Jan 2013 and all that I say will be proved because I sent in his phone and the show sent it in to a phone forensics company that has retrieved all the deleted text, emails, etc. from the phone.
 
Most of his friends hate me for no reason and never even thought for a second what I was going through. Granted, I could have handled things differently. But unless you have walked in my shoes, you have no idea how hard you will fight for someone you love with your whole heart. I tried to leave and move on so many times but when he came back, I always accepted him back because I loved him. I NEVER DID ANDY WRONG – NEVER – I NEVER LIED TO HIM OR ABOUT HIM.
 
Whoever all of you on this email are…sorry if you had nothing to do with this. But now you know. You know someone who comes off as the nicest guy in the world – but is actually a monster. He has damaged me and my children. If you think about it, I know he has done things to most of you that made you think twice about who he really is. I have heard him in so many lies to people on the phone or in emails. Believe me, NOT ONE PERSON KNOWS ANDY LIKE I DO…NOT ONE, BESIDES GOD! AND GOD AS MY WITNESS I HAVE NEVER MET A MORE VILE PERSON IN MY LIFE.
 
WHEN HE TOLD ME HE WAS MOLESTED I WAS IN BED FOR THREE DAYS CRYING AND PRAYING THAT I WOULD HAVE THE STRENGTH TO HELP HIM. BUT YOU CAN’T HELP SOMEONE WHO IS IN DENIAL AND REFUSES TO FACE THE DEMONS AND GET HELP. INSTEAD HE CHOOSES TO LIVE A DOUBLE/TRIPLE LIFE AND LIE ABOUT EVRYTHING! WATCH FOR THE SHOW IN JANUARY – THEY HAVE EVERYTHING FROM HIS PHONE AND DESPITE WHAT ANDY SAYS – I CAN’T MAKE THAT UP. A CERTIFIED DETECTIVE RETRIEVED ALL THE MESSAGES HE DELETED."

Comments

[bob]

When I first got to America, it was intriguing to watch people spill sexual secrets on TV, but I was always aware that we had our own share of sexual secrets. I guess the floodgates are about to open. This is going to be painful, I promise you.

[John Dinga]

Some amount of fiction is good. Some amount of westernization too is good. But what is a bit difficult to embrace is the conclusion that sexual molestation by unnamed person(s) in Sasse College - one of Cameroon's best - is responsible for all these aberrations in someone'e life as well as the lives of persons he was intimate with.
Growing up requires of us to take responsibility for our lives and the things we do. Unfortunately some of us continue to throw back our setbacks on others - unenlightened parents, colonial masters, an uncaring government of kleptocrats etc etc

It is true that watching western shows can influence people in unimaginable ways and there is the human tendency to assimilate what some of these shows portray. But a discerning mind know how to pick and choose what is best in life. Making a living by crafting outlandish material for reality shows, whether Oprah or Jerry Springer or Maury is something to take with a large pinch of salt. There is life after Jerry Springer, Maury, Oprah and the other shows. How ill it be?

[Peter Wantim]

Maybe it's just me but this seems more like a story of the fallout when one refuses to accept their sexuality than a case of "abuse". If I understand correctly, this person engaged in gay sexual relations with another student, not a school authority. And even though he concedes that he is gay, he got married and began leading a double life. I think it is the weight of that double life that destroyed him, not sexual encounters with a fellow student decades ago. So rather than focus on sexual abuse which is generally ignored or downplayed in Cameroonian/African communities, this should focus on the ostracism and persecution (social and legal) that homosexuals face in Cameroon/Africa which forces them to lead destructive double lives; destructive to themselves and destructive to their innocent spouses and children.

Again this is not about sexual abuse and even less about Sasse college - sex takes place in EVERY institution of learning in Cameroon, even in primary school. It is about living in the "down low" as African Americans describe it.

[jinxs]

What has Sasse college got to do with the molestations if you did not report the case? And for you madam, go tell it on Oprah and get a few bucks. Did you ever tell any of your friends, family about the weird behaviours of your devinat husband? No, you covered it up, and now the world most know Sasse college made your deviant gay-straight-man-woman-loving husband who he is? Get a life madam, find you a job and marry a new brother straight or gay.

[Njimaforboy]

I attended Sasse in that same time period and i will go on life television to say this is a lie.
This is absolutely not true. When you choose the wrong life style do not blame the School. Obama, Clinton, and some of America's finest smoked banga and some became gay. They still ended up very successful. Madam, your story does not click.

[The Reverend]

I also attended Sasse college, and I can testify this is trully what goes on when I was there. I found my classmates during one break session in the toilet trying to have sex wit each other. I was so fortunate when I came in, t,he bell just rang for break off. Banga is also very common around the time I was there. But in all this, I believe the wife is heading for destruction herself. TV shows are not the best way to deal with this things. Pastors are not either. This man needs a careful attention through scriptural deliverance. Same with the wife. She might be living with some of that demon - hatred and bitterness. There is nothing God can't help out. TV show will increase victimisation and open a court of public opinion.

[Pastor Victor Kubia]

Please, I believe Andy got the demons through the molestation at Sasse or else where. But the good news is that he can be set free that the Power of God. Please get a pentecostal Minister who is filled with the Power of God, he will know what to do. It is not all Pastors who can cast out demons. This case is not the worst I have seen. Going to Oprah or Dr. Phil is just for publicity. You might be following the path way that satan has paved to destroy you marriage and family. Jesus is Mr. never too late. I have worked with him in this field for over twenty years and I cannot have that tell to tell you about my faith in Him. This is a very simple case , just as drinking a cup of water. madam, listen to your heart and not to debates. Keep your eyes on Jesus, call unto him and both you and Andy will see God's power.

[Pastor Victor Kubia]

Please, pardon me for my mistakes on the posting above. I meant to say I have worked with the Lord for over twenty years but I do not have the time to tell you of my faith in Him. Andy can be set free by the Power of God.

[sullivan]

A HOAX: YOUR STORY DOESN'T EVEN ADD UP; FIND SOMETHING ELSE.

Hahaha...Reading this so called talk about molestation in Sasse college only sort of deepens and widens the laughter and mockery at those (pepetrators) who try to stir and churns up such a garbage against an almighty institution. SOBANS, look, there is no gainsaying in the fact that there weren't some few handy cases in every batch at sasse where some boys would at one instance want to act or behave like homosexuals, eventhough they did no harm to any student whatsoever. To read of such a toll of scripted and guted lie is only to think of how cheap, small,disgusting, and smelling the discuss and imaginations of some few have dwindle over time to nonsense. Please, in God's and St Joseph's name, can the architects of this cheap fabric cut off the roots of this petty talk before it boomerangs on them. What a shame. Even with my one hand tied to my back, and because of that genetic love for sasse, I woun't hesitate to defend tooth and nail the healthy grounds that sasse college has stood on for decades. Students in/from Sasse college are morally at their best and would always ever remain at the top their of best students from Cameroon colleges. Once SOBANS always SOBANS. Madame. for all these years you've been marriage to this man, why just now? If this was true claim, why did he has to wait these long until now to publish this tale of lies about Sasse. Folks, you know only frustration and unsuccessfulness born out of laziness would be a primary factor for an adult man and a woman to stick their neck out to testify and lay blame on Sasse for their unsuccessful life. This doesn't add up. You can't scape goat Sasse College for your failures in life. You and your wife better get busy and find something to keep you guys distracted from such malicious framework of distorted thoughts and write ups. Find another corner to get fame ; not in Sasse.
(Quote me . Don't tweak my words)

Sullivan

[Kamdem]

A.K.A Njimafor Boy:
Did you say you slept in every dormitory, on every bed, every night and all the time? Because if that is not your testimony, then you are not ubiquitous and can't claim to know everything that happened during your years in Sasse.

It is astonishing how quick-stepped people are denying what they don't know, rather than confirming what they know. How can we deny an experience lived by someone else? How conscienable are we to deny the pain and suffering of this gentleman and his ex-wife? Why are we making Sasse to be heaven on earth - the same Sasse where kids of rich thieves would roundly beat up poor kids from the CDC for "stealing" clothing items on the lines?

But I digress... The fact of Mr. Chia's piece is to call attention to a fact of our society. Men are men. They will mostly deny, out of pride, that this ever happened. Heck, it explains why many here are rushing to defame the wife. She is not the problem. She is a victim. He is not the problem. He is a victim. We must begin facing this problem or pretend there is no problem and live with the casualties.

Child abuse exists everywhere, including in Cameroon. Uncles and authority figures are especially responsible for it. Let's deal with this problem. Let's be mindful of it and stop denying like the Catholic Church that Mass boys were abused. But of course, many doubting Thomases will only believe this is happening after their son, daughter, neice,nephew...etc has been victimized.

[Igxtelle]

Please join this cause to end Child abuse in Cameroon- INNOCENCE RECLAIM INTERNATIONAL
https://www.facebook.com/InnocenceReclaimInternational?ref=ts&fref=ts

This is just an example of the many cases of CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE that happens in Cameroon, in our own schools, communities and even in our very houses. I am passionate about matters like this, because I have my own story of which I am sure, some people will dare to call FICTION.

It is a shame that some people still think that Child Sexual Abuse does not exist and that this is a made up story. A child's life is never the same after abuse of any sort.

It is a difficult topic to discuss, but would we keep on shying from taking action at the detriment of the lives and destinies of the most vulnerable in our society? Should not the government, schools and parents take active measures in implementing laws that protect the rights of children? Have parents ever taken into consideration the fact that background checks could be made on teachers, houseboys/girls, home aids and all the people we entrust the lives of our children to?

Its time to wake up countrymen. Join Innocence Reclaim and lets take the pedophiles in "aunty" "uncle" "houseboy" "daddy/mommy" clothing and rehabilitate abuse victims.

[John Dinga]

No one doubts the fact that such a thing could have taken place and would require action at some level. But when it is reported by a nameless "victim" how does one proceed? Credibility requires a name, a face to go with the story, not just a picture of good old Sasse College.

[terry ngwafor]

.....this 'story', to me, sounds so much like someone trying to blaze the financial trail of easy money.I went through Sasse, and graduated in the early seventies.There is no doubt that in any boarding school, the gentlemen of good fortune, within their five year stay,go through a very critical stage in their lives where the biological menace of libido, creates all kinds of upheaval and havoc in their minds and in their pants.And for intervals during this period,the buck wild nature or the horny goat craziness of the male animal is difficult to keep in check.This explains why in Sasse, speaking from what i know as fact,some students had to release this beastly stress in one way or another.That there may have been some form of frolicking between some students is not saying that this was a pathway to homosexuality or worse.Some students masturbated,others visited 'the stone house' or Suez Canal where the line was long, the alley very narrow, and the experienced lady did the trick in less than five minutes .This story here, is too full of holes; if you cannot drop names, i cannot believe you....and it is not uncommon that Andy may have been born gay trying to exist in a very straight world.Just imagine a rabbit trying to live in a Lion's den;if it is not eaten, imagine its daily stress, worries and chaos.Mr,Chia, i just hope you did not sacrifice your reputation for a shimmering limelight.
P.S. ......and why should I believe that Andy is a Soban?

[Fon Emmanuel]

One does not even need to be a graduate or former student from Sasse to see through this stupid story. Even in America where such stories are abundant everybody knows majority of them are just attempts to make some easy money. In the US you will never hear this kind of accusation brought against a poor man. I wonder what this phantome hopes to gain from this fabrication. But like all the lies being told in America about the after effects of such abuse, what stops people from going on with their lives after any such thing? Just like women who claim after every rape case their lives are permanently damaged, if that was true 90% of women will be then be permanently messed up all over the world. I say so because if a girl is not a naturally born prostitute or naturally born promiscuos fellow, how many girls willingly accept sexual intercourse the first time? Not that rape does not occur but apart from violent criminal sexual attacks on women it is they who often decide what is and what is not rape. If a study is carried on about the number of cases where people claim their self esteems are permanently damaged after sexual abuse, you will notice that looking at the matter very objectively without succumbing to politically correct presures, the so called permanent damage is more of personal choices. In our lives people undergo more serious accidents of life than rapes. I do not support it any one bit but if the victim chooses not to forget it and carry on with his or her normal business of life they only have themselves to blame.

[John Dinga]

Terry Ngwafor and Fon Emmanuel, your narratives above are very useful and worthwhile. Teenage is a difficult period in life and has been well documented by psychologists and psychiatrists over the ages. As a matter of fact, Sigmund Freud the grandfather of these studies of the mind gave it the fantastic name "sturm und drang" (German for storm and stress) which you so wisely highlight above (Terry) and most of us who went through college in those years know just how powerful those forces could be. Naturally different students sought release in different ways but over the years maturity stepped in and we all looked back at it with a chuckle.

On the other hand, those with an interest in making money out of it have not hesitated to do so, thanks to the new breed of psychologists and psychiatrists who have raised the issue to the high heavens, villified the priests who got involved with those impressionable young men and of course all the "sturm und drang" got settled as soon as the Catholic Church here in Boston dished out tons of money to victims in out-of-court settlement. Yes indeed, all those pentup emotions disappeared as soon as money was dished out to victims who had been harboring the horror for long time - 30 to 50 years in some cases. Fon makes the very revealing statement above that the complaints are invariably brought up against the well-to-do but hardly ever the poor. Is this to say that the poor do not sexually molest? Food for thought. Cardinal Bernard Law, the Head of Boston's Archdiocese of the Catholic Church was hounded till he took off for the Vatican to seek sanctuary. His crime? He allegedly turned a blind eye to all those priests who sexually molested innocent children. Well, the Church was of course bruised as the laity lost faith in the clergy. And after all those monetary compensations, where do we go from here?

The answer is a very loud silence! We shall surely be watching the Oprah Winfrey show next spring.

[yarro]

Who cares???? Waste of time and cyberspace. So he goes Brokeback Mountain! Big deal. Wifey wants to go cry on Iyanla's shoulder ($500.00 - biiiig money)! Yawn. She's nuts, he's who he is and they both need some sorta life revival. The dude who was nattering on about rape needs some kind of counselling as well. He sounds like Todd Akin. So he got fucked in Sasse. Who the fuck cares?? Most Sasse students got fucked in one way or the other. Depends on how u use the word. Once again, who the fuck cares???

[Achilles]

If he had homosexual relations with a boy about his age, not really abuse. If with an adult, cause for concern. Not taking control of his life, hurting his wife, he blames Sasse? Come on. That is so cheap.

[Achilles]

Then there are these crazy bible people talking nonsense. There are people who are wired homosexual and no amount of biblical brainwashing can change that. It is like using soap and water to turn a black man to a white man. It is a waste of time. He is talking about abuse, namely an older person raping him as a boy.

In Cameroon, there are wrinkled fellows with white bristles sticking out of their noses and ears who sleep with 13 year old girls. That is the same thing. OK? Do not dump on Sasse, because Sasse did not send anybody to screw you.

[Igxtelle]

Everyone trying to defend their alma matter should remember that this man isn't giving an excuse or looking to blame a church or school, he is simply recounting what happened to him, and where it happened and how it affected him. Is it debatable, the effects of CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE on the psychology of the child/victim? The abuse could have been in GBHS Ombe, or Saker Baptist, or Sacred Heart- So don't get distracted cause the name of your beloved school is mentioned, just learn the lesson and watch out for your kids and the "uncles" and "aunts" you leave around them

[kappaman]

Clearly someone has been watching too many American reality shows!!!!

[LGBT]

And my comment has mysteriously disappeared again.

[Speedy]

I can't believe I am actually saying contributing to this madness, but the anger in me can only be assuaged by an outpouring of some useful words. Fon Emmanuel, where on this good earth do you hail form! Clearly you are an abuser and probably a real victim of sexual abuse yourself, because your callous and ignorant portrayal of the aftermath of rape beats Todd Akin hands down! Dude, you need serious help. Whether or not this person's story is true has been clouded by comments from folks like you who are a true reflection of the help our society needs when it comes to Child Sexual Abuse. You all blame western society for its influences, yet I see you 40 and 50 yr old men following western society and donning sagging jeans and muscle shirts with protruding bellies, while staring lasciviously at young girls not even old enough to be your daughters. Seriously, get help men!

[Azinwe]

Stop Noise! Its real. Its Cameroon, if the name or picture is given, u will be the first to announce the person bad experience. Gossipers. U can not even be proud to say u watch porn movies or masturbate , but u wan to know the name of others with bad experience IDIOTS.

I will make a write up on Fathers with children, fathers abusing girls, fathers embezzling etc.

If u know father peter mokung he was my favourit fathers but check more.

[Azinwe]

check this

http://www.leffortcamerounais.com/2011/01/fr-peter-mukong-called-home.html

check the comment below, he is just an example, so top talking as if SASE and all those religious things are as pure as they look

[Martin Enaw]

This is strange. I dont want to believe this story because it has no substance. This guy is just making a joke and wants to bring down the reputation of one of Anglophones strongest secondary schools. If you were abused sexually and you are sure you were then go tell the world and help stop it. If not just shut up.